


Grow a Boyfriend

by Piriluk (orphan_account)



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Drama, F/M, Fantasy, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Mystery, Romance, Sexual Humor, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 15:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6526369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Piriluk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I can't go and love another person. I'm faithful to you, and only you, since you were the first person I laid my eyes on."</p><p>—Can't get a date? That's okay - just pop them in some water and watch them grow, grow, grow! Rin/Len.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grow a Boyfriend

**Grow a Boyfriend**

Can't get a date? That's okay - just pop them in some water and watch them grow, grow, _grow!_

* * *

❤️

* * *

Rin squinted at the mysterious package that had somehow appeared in her schoolbag during the day.

Was this some sort of sick joke?

The blonde glanced across the classroom at her friend in question, Miku, who seemed to be busy flirting with some poor soul. She hadn't _noticed_ any suspicious behaviour from the girl at all - and she was pretty easy to read. Unless she miraculously improved in acting overnight, she doubted it was _her_ who left this abomination here.

But - who would it be?

It wasn't like Rin had relationship problems or anything. She wasn't interested in dating _anyway_ , let alone boyfriends - she was too busy shoving maths equations up her ass trying to qualify for a physics major in university. In a way, this was almost _insulting_. Were they - whoever this shitty, anonymous person was - trying to imply something?

She frowned. She wasn't _ugly_ , or anything, right? Like, sure, she'd never been asked out before - but she just thought it was because she didn't make herself seem 'available' to anyone.

Hmm.

Rin considered tossing this pathetic excuse for a joke in the trash on her way home, but hesitated. She'd heard about these toys before, like the hatching dinosaurs and the like, and she was sort of curious. The doll inside - some hideous, naked blonde guy - was about the same size as the span of her hand. How big would he grow if she put him in a bowl of water? The size of a Ken doll?

Psh.

So she didn't throw it away. She kept it, ridiculously enough, and wondered if it would look any better after 'growing' overnight in water - right now, it looked a bit like something out of a horror movie.

Now, imagine if it _turned_ into a horror movie.

Rin scowled at the doll as she dropped it into a bowl and placed it aside. What a waste of maths equations would it be, if she woke up to only find out she'd been murdered by some crazy, possessed, grow-able boyfriend.

Well, she was sure she wouldn't have been the _first_ to be murdered by someone of romantic interest. Let's just hope that isn't the case.

* * *

❤️

* * *

Waking up at five o'clock to study every morning was the definition of hell.

Yet Rin still did it, somehow. Either she was a masochist and enjoyed suffering, or was absolutely crazy - she didn't know. Even Miku couldn't wrap around her head how she could so willingly cut down precious sleeping time to deal with mathematics every day.

But… this morning was a little different.

 _Maybe_ a lot.

As Rin grudgingly swung a leg out of bed, her foot hit something soft, warm and _definitely not her wooden floor_.

She retracted her foot immediately back under the safety of her sheets, heart pounding. Wh- what was _that?_ A snake? No, they're cold-blooded animals. A - a dog or cat? Mm, maybe something _hairless_ , but even so…

Whatever she touched groaned, much akin to a -

A _human?_

Wait. Why would there be a _human_ on her _floor?_ She almost swore. Had one of her parents sleepwalked into her room and made home next to her bed? Her head hurt. No, no, they'd never sleepwalked _before_ , or ever admitted to it. But…

Rin inhaled, telling herself to stay calm. She reached for her lamp and flicked it on, before peering over the edge of her bed.

A squeal escaped her lips as she was met with _erect genitalia_ , standing high and tall like a proud mother. She clamped a hand over her mouth, praying to the high heavens she didn't wake anyone up and would have to suffer under a long, embarrassing negotiation as to why she had a _stark naked teenage boy with an erection in her room._

Oh boy.

Dark eyes popped open, disturbed by her cry of horror. The strange creature - er, boy - blinked up at her, adjusting to his surroundings.

To her utter dismay, he gave a wide smile and sat up to cup her face in his hands.

Rin was rendered speechless as he went in for the kill. She had barely blinked, and he'd already smashed his lips against hers - literally, he _dove at her fucking face_ \- almost pulling her off the bed and onto his very bare body.

"What -" she protested against his mouth, attempting to pull away. "Who are - what the _fuck -_ "

It took her a few moments to register that this boy shared an uncanny resemblance to the naked, little, godforsaken blonde doll she'd placed in water the night before.

Yes, the Grow a Boyfriend doll.

Well, he fucking _grew_ , alright.

Rin regained her balance and placed her hands on his shoulders, politely pushing him away. His eyebrows met in confusion as cold air hit their lips.

"I'm sorry," she said. "But what the _hell._ "

The boy blinked, clueless, mouth opening and closing akin to a goldfish. He tilted his head. "Did I make a mistake?" he asked.

She frowned. "Well, no - but yes, but also no. I mean - _okay_ , let me get this straight." She took a breath, closing her eyes because they kept wandering to a place down under out of sheer curiosity.

It was the first time she'd ever seen one in real life, _okay?_

"You… weren't that _doll_ , right?"

"Doll?" the boy echoed. "No, I'm your boyfriend - Len."

Rin opened her eyes, narrowing her gaze at this 'Len'. "I don't have a boyfriend."

He paused. "What do you mean? You grew me, remember? If you grew me, you obviously wanted a boyfriend - so now I'm your boyfriend."

She wasn't sure whether she preferred him denying that he was really that ugly thing she'd mistook as some petty joke, or claiming that he was. Either way, how there came to be a _live, very real_ and _very naked teenage boy_ in her room remained a great mystery.

"You've… got to be kidding," she said. "You were like, the size of my hand, and… _how the hell are you now a human_? That doesn't make any sense. Maybe I'm just having a really weird dream." She pinched her arm to confirm her statement, but nothing happened.

Len's eyebrows furrowed. "No, I'm real - you aren't dreaming. So, you didn't read any of the instructions that came with me?"

"Of course I did! Is this some prank, or something? I swear to God -" Rin's eyes fell back down to his crotch, and she groaned, tossing him a pillow. "Please cover your junk. It isn't making this situation any better."

He turned pink, obeying her orders. "What's wrong with it? Is it too small?"

She put her head in her hands. " _No!_ No, I don't know, that's the first one I've _seen_ -"

"Wait, are you telling me I'm your first… boyfriend?"

Rin lifted her head to see he'd sat forward, gazing up at her intently. She opened her mouth, about to deny the claim, but… he was right - she'd never had a boyfriend before. Obviously. But whether or not she'd seen a dick before was something _completely_ unrelated.

"Look," she said. "I'm really sorry, but can you _please_ explain to me what's going on? I just - if my parents wake up and see you, I'm dead meat, so I need you to leave or whatever before they do."

Len grimaced. "What do you mean? You obviously wanted a boyfriend, right? Which is why you got me and put me in some water. I can't just leave - I have nowhere else to go."

"Whoa, whoa - okay, hold on there. I didn't buy you or anything, nor did I actually want a _real life boyfriend_. Some kid at school must've put you in my bag as a joke, and I was curious. I wasn't expecting you to become an actual… _living person_."

Rin rubbed her forehead, trying to beat an oncoming headache. It hurt to even think about an inanimate object suddenly becoming _animate_ with some water. What the hell, how did that even work in science? Jeez… Did something happen to him similar to what they do to those miso soup packets?

The boy's face fell. "Wait, so… you're telling me this is a mistake? You didn't want a boyfriend?"

She nodded.

"...Oh." He seemed _extremely_ dejected. "Oh no."

Len slumped back down against the ground, mussing his hair with his fingers. A frown was etched deep into his face.

Guilt stabbed at her chest. She wasn't really keen on breaking anyone's heart, especially this early in the morning. She bit down on her lip, torn. "So, you really don't have anywhere else to go?"

He shook his head. "No. I mean, the deal is that someone grows us, and we _should_ end up in a relationship, so they end up taking care of us. No one explained what would happen if our supposed partner didn't _want_ us."

"...I'm sorry. I honestly didn't expect… a _real boyfriend_ to come out of this." She stopped to think. "I could take you in for a while, but it'll be risky. Maybe Miku might want you."

Len blinked. "...Miku?"

"Oh. Sorry. She's my friend."

"Friend?" he echoed. "But I don't want to be your friend's boyfriend. I want to be _your_ boyfriend."

Rin opened her mouth to protest, but he spoke up before her.

"You see, we fall in love with the first person we see - who should be the person who wanted a boyfriend," he explained. "I can't go and love another person. I'm faithful to you, and only you, since you were the first person I laid my eyes on."

Well, fuck. There goes Plan A. And Plan B. And Plan Everything Else.

She peered down at the boy, taking in his features. Well, he wasn't _ugly_ \- definitely not as ugly as his doll-self, at least. He looked like he'd be related to her somewhat, but she could look past that - people were attracted to similar-looking others all the time. Plus, he had really nice abs. The fact that he would be _faithful_ was all the more appealing.

Hmm.

But maths, and life, and the fact that she wasn't intending (or allowed) to date until she graduated. That was the problem.

Oh, and her parents. How would she explain to them that… a boy who wanted to be her boyfriend was moving in? Especially since _they_ were the ones who were more opposed to her being involved in romantic relationships until she turned 18 - they'd probably _scream_ and ground her for six years.

Well, it was pretty clear she wasn't going to kick him out onto the streets. She was cold-hearted and blunt, but not _that_ much.

"I need to find you some clothes," she mumbled to herself, climbing out of bed. It was almost six o'clock, and she hadn't studied _at all_ thanks to this mess. Len stood with her, still holding the pillow against the lower half of his body. She noted to change her pillow cases later.

On opening her cupboard, she scratched her head wondering what he would fit into. He wasn't much taller than her, thankfully - but he was a lot broader than her, too. She decided on an oversized turtleneck sweater - it was a pretty shade of purple, but it would do - and a pair of tracksuit pants a size too big she'd gotten as a hand-me-down.

Rin handed them over to the boy. "I hope you don't mind."

Len glanced down at the clothes, before bringing them up to his face to sniff them.

Um. What.

"Smells like you," he said into the fabric.

She gawked at him.

He took her silence as a signal to get dressed and dropped his pillow, apathetic to exposing himself once again.

She sighed and turned away. Today was going to be a _very long_ day.

* * *

❤️

**Author's Note:**

> im back with shit!
> 
> ok so this was inspired by some tumblr post i saw, with a Grow a Boyfriend toy and i was like HAHAHA IMAGINE THIS AS A RIN/LEN AU and then everyone was like "why dont you write it" and i cried
> 
> so here it is.
> 
> um, it was intended to be a oneshot but i know this is going to end up long bc im stupid so im just gonna post this here and update... whenever i can... scratches head. plus IT ISNT INCEST, HAHA, or is it (im joking how would that work) tbh i havent got an ending in sight hahaha stares off into the distance My Greatest Enemy
> 
> sin fam said the plot reminded them of Absolute Boyfriend, and im sin trash so i didnt read that (i read ecchi by accident instead oops oops) JUST TO CLARIFY IF SOMEONE'S LIKE "YOU ARE. UNORIGINAL. PIECE. OF POOPY. RUDE AUTHOR. DISAPPROVING ANONYMOUS REVIEWER SOUND." like ye im unoriginal bc this was inspired by something off tumblr but shrugs a lot.
> 
> i hope Len's dong doesnt make this M-rated. not my intentions. i cannot, write smut, for my life. ive been working on something and i hit the foreplay and i died slowly. do please teach me how to write smut.
> 
> also the maths-vs-Rin thing is inspired by novaki's tweets on twitter about maths... not that she says she shoves maths up her ass, im no t,
> 
> (leaves immediately)


End file.
